Friday, March 25, 2011

A pre-breakup letter to The Oregonian

Dear Oregonian,
I think we are about to say good-bye, I know that we haven’t known each other long but you suck.  Prior to you I had a wonderful relationship with a paper, every Sunday my husband would walk to the driveway and there the paper would be, waiting to be read.  Granted sometimes I was too busy to read it, and it sat by the front door for too long but that’s not the point.  I had paid for it, so it was up to me to decide what to do with.  Wait, you seem lost.  Let me explain.    

I give you money, and in turn you show up on my doorstep three days a week.  Granted I only wanted to get you one day a week, but I was told that wasn’t an option.  Pretty easy to follow right?  So why is that in the almost month I should have received you, you have only shown up on two of the days I requested and that was only after calling in and complaining?  I have no idea what it takes to get you on a regular basis but here is what I have done so far in attempts to win you over:

3/13-E-mail
3/18-Automated service
3/19-Called in (paper delivered after speaking with someone)
3/20-Called in (paper delivered after speaking with someone)
3/20-Supervisor or the likes also calls me and advises that I will get my paper
3/25-Left message with distributor and according to the message I would get my paper within an hour
3/25-Leave the house and return almost five hours after the message was left and still nothing, yet another message
3/25-Completed delivery service satisfaction survey, not to positive

You might wonder why I might still want to get you and come tomorrow if you aren’t here, I am sorry to say we are done. 

Sincerely,

Paperless in 97202

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